Pushing Through

I haven’t written anything in awhile, and its not because I haven’t had anything to write about, obviously….I just honestly haven’t had the time to sit down. Most people know that Chase broke his arm, AGAIN, and it has been quite the adventure with the first cast cutting off his circulation, the break healing badly, and the possibility of surgery, etc. The great news is that he is healing well now, and is not going to need surgery. We really felt and appreciated everyone’s prayers for this outcome!! We thought we were going to get the water-proof cast last week but we just weren’t quite there yet and the doctor wanted to be on the safe side, which was fine with me. He will for sure get his smaller, lighter, water-proof cast this coming Tuesday, two days before the last day of summer school, so he will be ready to fully enjoy his summer!

One of the downfalls of this break has been that his body is becoming de-conditioned due to his lower level of activity. I received a call from the nurses office last week notifying me that he was in her office because, when he was on a walk with his classmates for a school project, his legs began cramping. They felt the need to call me because it had been happening more and more frequently, every day that week, from just simply walking around the school. I explained to her about the de-conditioning and that it was to be expected right now, that she could give him some Ibuprofen, let him rest, and drink some water. I decided to schedule him a massage that day at his dad’s office to see if that would help, but unfortunately, there is not much more we can do to help (which is one of the worst things about this disease).

I found myself thinking about Chase while I was on a run today. It was a grueling 4 mile run, with thickness in the air and the temperature already reaching 85 by 10:00 am. I decided to take a new route which resulted in a lot more uphills than I realized. I think about my boys a lot when I am on my runs. To be honest, when we first received their diagnosis’s last year, I could not run for awhile afterwards. Running had always been my stress relief, something I have done forever to keep myself mentally and physically strong. The thought of doing something that my boys may not be able to do in the future, made me feel too guilty to partake in my favorite outlet. I’m not exactly sure when I jumped back in, I assume it was around the time we started making peace with what we had ahead. It continued to be my time to really release all of the heaviness I had on my shoulders, and once I found myself working through the guilt, I starting running FOR my boys.

During my run today, I was hot, I was tired, I was still sore from a workout I had done two days before, I was a little nauseous from some really bad food choices I made the night before, and when I was running up one of those hills, I was ready to stop and walk. Right then is when a conversation I had with Chase about 6 months ago played through my head. I had just picked him up from school and he told me right away:

Chase: Mom, I cramped at recess today when I was playing with my friends.

Me: I’m sorry honey. What did you do? (I expected him to say he sat down and drank some water.)

Chase: I pushed through it this time. I pushed through the pain.

Me: (Heart dropping to my stomach) Buddy, you are the toughest guy I know.

From then on, I have carried those words with me for every.single.workout. I know that Chase struggles every day just to keep up with his friends, and if that little guy can dig deep and push through his pain just so he can play a little longer, then you bet when I am hot, tired, sore, and nauseous during a run, I can push through to make it an extra mile. I know that some days he will not be able to push through and keep playing. He may have to sit down for a little bit, rest, and get back up again. He may not be able to rejoin his friends some days, but the way I see it, the fact that he always goes back, even if it is two days later, is his way of pushing through.

I think anyone who works out on a regular basis has that one thing that pushes them to go the extra mile, literally and figuratively. My boys are my “thing”. I have not done real research into this, but I know there is a certain percentage of pushing your body, especially in running, that is a mental game. One of these days Roman may start to have to make these decisions too. He will have to decide when he can push his body a little bit further, and when he needs to take a little rest before he goes his extra mile. I guess what I am saying in all of this too, is that I feel like God has given me the gift of running and working out to help me, in one small way, physically relate to what Chase goes through on a daily basis. Also to what Roman may face some day. I can never fully feel and understand what it is like to be in their bodies, but when I am on one of these grueling runs, when I don’t think I’m going to make it back home without falling over from exhaustion, or when I am lifting weights and I don’t think I can possibly lift that weight over my head one more time…… I will continue to “push through” for my boys.