Chase started Summer Kindergarten Adventure this week, it is so hard to believe he is officially a Kindergartner. I’m thankful that the school district does this little summer introduction to Kindergarten for the kids because it has been quite a transition, for everyone, for Chase to go from half days of preschool, to full days, 5 days a week of school. He has been so excited though, which has been great to see and really helps me to send him off knowing that he is so excited. The first day he went I had to convince him to let me walk him to class, otherwise he was totally ready for me to just drop him off at the door and let him go. What a change this is because we have really struggled for years with getting him to do things independently, such as getting dressed on his own, getting his shoes on, etc. he has had the personality that if I could do it for him, he would just let me and it has been hard to figure out if he really can’t do something, or if he is just choosing to let me do it. That first day of Kindergarten he marched right into his classroom, put his bag in his cubby, sat at his new desk and started talking to his new friends. I honestly don’t think he paid any attention to me leaving. I had such a crazy mixture of emotions that day, everything from sadness that my little guy is so big and the time just seemed to fly by, to amazing pride and happiness that this little guy went from a 3 pound NICU baby to this happy, confident Kindergartner.

When I got into the car to pull away from Chase’s new school, I couldn’t help but think way back to when he came into our lives. I can vaguely remember the day I went into labor with him. They were able to halt my labor for 3 days and I remember a doctor sitting at my bedside telling me all the things that could go wrong if I were to have him that early (28 weeks). She rattled off a list of things, from extreme brain bleeds, stroke, underdeveloped heart and lungs, to learning disabilities down the road. Thinking back to that day, then three days later actually delivering him and seeing him in the incubator, not knowing what the future held for him, not knowing if he would survive for us to even take him home, let alone whether he would have too many health issues that would prevent him from even going to school, and then present day seeing him walk into Kindergarten …….what a bittersweet day that first day was for us. Now that we have the added complexity of his MD diagnosis, I just didn’t know how his little body would handle full days of school. I know every mother who drops her kid off for their first day of school has all these same anxieties too (is he going to get tired, is he going to miss his mom, etc.) so I knew I wasn’t alone in these feelings.

When I went to pick him up that first day, he was smiling from ear to ear. He insisted I put his window down in the car so he could wave goodbye to all of his new friends. I asked him how his first day went, and he said “It was the best day EVER!” What a relief!! Then he started telling me about how his legs cramped at recess and he tried to find somewhere to sit down but when he did, the kids kept stepping on his fingers and it really hurt. Ugh, so heartbreaking for a mom to hear, but the great thing was that this did not seem to hinder his “best day ever.”

I had met with the principle a few weeks before school started about his recent MD diagnosis so we could work up a plan for the summer, and basically the plan is to just observe him for patterns with his activity and cramping, etc. then this fall we will probably work up a 504 plan so the school could make accommodations depending on how his body was handling things. I’m still learning all the educational lingo and the difference between 504’s and IEP’s etc.

I’ve been emailing back and forth with his new teacher too, and she wasn’t aware of his symptoms that first day but he was such a big boy and he told her about the cramping himself so they ended up taking him inside and giving him a drink of water and some time to relax before everyone came in for recess. I let him pretty much relax the rest of the afternoon at home and didn’t take him to Tae Kwon Do because Mark and I decided we would give him the first week of school to get used to full days before we add back in his activities. It was a good decision because by the time we took him up for bed that night, he had a hard time climbing the stairs to go to his room. Of course I had to really fight back the urge to keep him home from school the next day as I held his hand while he climbed the stairs, slowly one stair at a time. I watched him really struggle to lift each leg like they were made of concrete, I was crushed that my big guy had to go through that.

He slept well that night and I was so relieved he woke up ready to go to school the next morning. This time he told me I did NOT need to walk him to his classroom. He knew where to go and did not need my help. That second day his teacher decided to take him inside about 10 minutes before each of his recesses were over, give him a drink of water, and let him play on the computer and relax a little bit before everyone else came in. That seemed to really help because he didn’t seem as bodily tired that night and was able to climb the stairs to bed independently. We may continue this routine for awhile and see if his body will acclimate to the long days and added activities. So we have our first week of Kindergarten in the books! I started writing a poem after I dropped him off that first day. Sappy, I know, but I couldn’t help myself.

NICU Days

How is it possible that my heart can be sad, but yet so happy for you at the same time?

You have grown from a fragile 3 pound NICU baby, to a 5 year old warrior right before my eyes.

You are so full of love, so sensitive, so willing to speak from your heart, with a hope that never dies.

It seems like only yesterday I was changing your diaper that was barely the size of my hand.

Now you sit at your desk and wave goodbye, and with a knot in my stomach, I could barely stand

The first two months of your life you were covered in cables, we had no idea what the future would hold.

Wasn’t it just yesterday when I held you on my bare chest to keep you warm, your skin to my skin, “it would be a long road” we were told?

Those were the longest months of my life, but day after day you proved to be a miracle and every test came back clear.
I remember praying with your daddy every day, and your daddy telling me there was nothing to fear.

There have been great days, amazingly hard days, large and small challenges along the way.
I am so very thankful God let us be your parents, we count our blessings every single day.

I wish I could take away the pain, and shield you from all the challenges you will face.
I want to hold your hand forever, I wish my love could take your pain’s place.

You have already proved that you are beyond strong, you can take on the world and let go of my hand.
I am so incredibly amazed by you, maybe some day you will understand.

Off to Kindergarten you go, I hope every day for you is “the best day EVER”.
I will take a step back and let go of your hand, but my love never lessens and I will hold onto you forever.

First Day of Kindergarten

Last Day of Preschool

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